Do you enjoy sex with your wife?
Posted on Sunday, February 10, 2008 at 8:40 AM by Duncan Bouwer
The short answer is "YES!" I have never struggled in my sexual attraction to my wife. I know some gay men cannot even imagine themselves in bed with a woman. They are completely turned off by the thought of having heterosexual sex. This is not the case with me, and I don't think it ever was. My issues with my mother did not leave that kind of scar on my sexuality (see " Why do you think you turned out like this? " for a full explanation).
It was more that I was overwhelmingly sexually attracted to men. Once that was in the process of being dealt with (see "Do you ever think about having sex with a man anymore?") I was free to enjoy sex with my wife.
The problems (yes there are some) come with the sexual habits I learned as a gay man, and these are far more difficult to get rid of than the actual attraction to men. The first and most difficult, is the ingrained notion that my wife should take as short a time as I to get turned on (after all, a male sexual partner does). Because it takes her roughly 10 times as long as me to become sexually aroused, I sometimes find it very daunting to try to initiate sexual contact with her. (This is called laziness). In my understanding this is a problem most heterosexual men face. This is just the way God has created us, and so it is something we have to learn to deal with in a sacrificial way. From what I understand, most men get around this problem by just having sex with their wives anyway, and so the woman never has a satisfying experience.
This forces us to work with our wives in a way that maintains personal intimacy between us in an ongoing way, and most men fail in this regard, from what I hear from people I know who have no homosexual past.
Another component is the fact that, as a result of years of masturbation, I really struggle with premature ejaculation. This is a particularly private thing to share on a Website like this, but it is only fair to try and warn people that their habits will have consequences in later life, that may complicate matters.
Masturbation itself is also a problem I have to deal with. Most men do, apparently, and since it satisfies me so easily and without any (time consuming) foreplay, it robs my wife of intimacy. This is not something which directly results from any feelings about sex with my wife, but rather an adolescent habit which I have to keep a check on all the time.
How much more than that would you like to know? (smile)
Posted in About Me (RSS), Archive (RSS), My Story (RSS), Struggle (RSS)