GUARD YOUR HEART 1
Posted on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 at 1:29 PM by Duncan Bouwer
Part one
Proverbs 4:23-27
The question is often asked: how do I live, in a practical way, that will accelerate my victory in the struggle against my unwanted same-sex attraction?
The answer is not simple, and to make the question more relevant, it should perhaps be rephrased: how do I live, in a practical way, that will accelerate my victory in the struggle against the immaturity and idolatry which are an inherent part of my fallen nature as a man/woman, who is as yet unglorified?
You see, the answer to both is the same, but if you try and answer the first question, you will inevitably be skewed in your response; misled into placing the emphasis where it does not belong: on the unwanted same-sex attraction, which is a symptom of the idolatrous and immature ways of relating to which the world at large, and we in our own particular way, are prone!
I am going to try and answer the question, at least partially, from Proverbs 4:23-27. The portion of scripture, in the Amplified Bible, reads as follows:
"23 Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. 24 Put away from you all false and dishonest speech, and wilful and contrary talk put far from you. 25 Let your eyes look right on [with fixed purpose] and let your gaze be straight before you. 26 Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright. 27 Turn not aside to the right hand or the left; remove your foot from evil."
In the interest of brevity, this week I will only deal with verse 23, and thereafter with a verse a week for 4 weeks after that.
So, on to verse 23: "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."
Biblically speaking, the heart is the seat of emotion and belief. This is what the bible is referring to here. It is our convictions about ourselves and the world which drive us to act in certain ways, some of which are good, and most of which are bad. Our (homosexually oriented) hearts are filled with all sorts of rubbish to start off with. That is why we are attracted to the same sex in the first place.
We believe: 1) that we are unlovable. Our fathers and mothers, in almost all cases, were so broken, that they were simply not able to love us in a way which could produce a person who knows their own worth, as expressed by God the Father. This is not their fault, but something which is passed on from the previous generations in an endless tide of brokenness, each generation compounding the errors of the previous.
We believe: 2) That it is unsafe to trust anybody... a) ...to meet our needs, least of all God, who in many cases we subconsciously/consciously hold responsible for our pain, and our turning out the way we have. b) ...not to hurt us, and so we secretly/openly believe that God will do the same, since he is supposed to be in control of the world and so must take responsibility for who we are. c) ...with our love, since we have been rejected so many times before, starting with our parents (in some cases) and carrying on in a continuous line of rejection, until we hoard our feelings carefully, becoming closed off until we have lost the ability to love, except for meeting our most immediate needs (sex), without giving anything of ourselves in return.
We believe: 3) That we deserve what we have been dealt, because we are completely unworthy to start off with, so when we get dumped again, or hurt again, or our trust is abused again, we are not surprised, because it merely confirms what we know anyway. So God cannot love us because we have been proven time and time again to be unworthy of love, and deserving of punishment and abuse.
That is why the Bible says that we should keep and guard our hearts. It influences the way we see reality. What we believe, makes us relate to the world in a certain way, and the way we relate to the world determines to a large degree how it relates to us.
You will notice that all of the above examples contain in some way or another, an attitude to God. In some way or another what we have experienced has misshapen our perception of God in such a way that we are prepared to:
1) ...call him a liar, when he says he loves and values us, 2) ...choose our own way of doing things rather than to be vulnerable and do things his way.
These are idolatrous attitudes, because: a) we set ourselves up as authorities above God and what he says. We might not have actively chosen to believe these things but we have to take responsibility for continuing in our faulty beliefs. Out of them "flow the springs of life"! b) We set ourselves above God when we do things our way. We have the RIGHT to be this way: we have been hurt enough!
Everything that is not faith is sin (Rom 14:23 slightly out of context). Every belief that contradicts God is sin. Every belief that chooses our own opinion above his, is idolatry. It's very true, and very simple. You can dig up all the memories in the world, of being hurt and abused and victimised, and you may go through emotional healing till the cows come home, but if it does not produce repentance in your heart for the things you have chosen to believe about God, you will not move more than a baby step ahead.
MATURITY Maturity means taking responsibility for your choices. Perhaps you were to young/small to make informed choices about the way you saw God before, but now you are hoping to outgrow those ways of relating, and that means that you must face up to that fact that you can either continue to make your choices in the same way, or you can grow up and see things his way.
EXERCISE Check what you believe about reality. The only beliefs about reality that really matter, are what you believe about God. What do you believe about God? Do you beliefs concur with his Word? How do they differ? What can you do about it? Spend some time talking to God about your attitudes to him. He is not surprised, and according to Rom 8:1 "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Ask him to forgive you for your attitudes, and declare your willingness, at least in principle, to co-operate with him as he adjusts your attitudes.
And may the "Peace that passes all understanding and guards you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus," (Phillippians 4:7) be yours.