Were you always attracted to boys/men?
Posted on Sunday, February 10, 2008 at 9:02 AM by Duncan Bouwer
Honestly I don't know. That is not a cop-out, but let me explain: When I was a little boy I played around like other little boys. It's difficult to decide whether it was more or less than other children. They say it is normal for all children to mess around with other childrenof the same sex. Just this week I saw two nine year old girls messing around in the pool, kissing each other. I remember an experience with another boy in my class, where we played outside, pretending that we were Tarzan and Jane. I was Jane, so I dunno if that means anything (*smile*). We kissed each other on the mouth a lot, but it never went further than that.
Maybe what makes me think that I was different, was that I remember clearly that I dreamed about a young guy who was in my school when I was in Junior School. I was so in love with him that I felt my heart would break. I can remember that dream today and I must have been in the second grade. I was also particularly aware of the bulge in the swimming instructor's speedo, and that I got an erection when I was roughing around with a guys I was friendly with (much to his disgust!)
But to be honest, if I had to say whether I was always acutely aware of being attracted to other guys from a very young age, then the answer is "no". Actually, I always had girl-friends and was intimate with them without having actual sex. But there came a time, after I acted out the first time, when I tried to sustain a relationship with some girls, but I just couldn't. Once I had acted out with a man, it was a lost cause. I hope that answers the question.