Archive for the Angerblackhole Blog category
June 26, 2005
Posted on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 at 1:28 PM by Duncan Bouwer
And crawling on the planet’s face
Some insects called the human race
Lost in time, and lost in space
And meaning
SEEMS LIKE IT DOESN’T IT….But it’s not true. Here is the meaning of life. People, hearts, beauty. Serendipity and happenstance
And here you are just looking into my eyes
And there I see the love you can’t disguise
You gather my inside your loving arms to day
you don’t go away
you choose to stay…
Holy are you Lord,
Holy are you Lord
Holy are you Lord,
Oh my Delight!
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24 June 2004 II
Posted on Sunday, February 10, 2008 at 3:23 PM by Duncan Bouwer
Facing the black hole is fear personified. I am scared I will lose control of my bodily functions if I face the fear and pain that are covered by the rage. I cannot even want to want to go there. When the buffers of everyday life are removed, all that stares me in the face is the faceless chaos. It is not all bad. For the most part everything is fine. I love life and my family. But deep deep down there is an ocean of unpredictable chaos; a monolith of being disposable. And so I fight against the void…Selah
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June 24, 2005
Posted on Saturday, February 09, 2008 at 6:14 PM by Duncan Bouwer
sorrow is not soon forgotten
nor bitterness, deceit-begotten
sadness is not often sweeter
than trust that’s freely given
foolisheness is a weak reminder
that cruelty is seldom kinder
I squeal with exhilaration and fear as my older brother speeds me around the playground on my tricycle. The weeping willow chortles uncharacteristically as we brushed his drooping tendrils. Then a HIS voice whips out of the wintry blue. “Come here!” it commands, not angry just inescapable. Behind the old tree we go and the tender caress of the old tree becomes the castigations of a confused father: *It is not right to scream like that. I am sure you will remember…*
I do. Here I sit white-knuckled — my anger resisting the vortex which sucks me hungrily in. HE is the black hole. Around his careless and flagrant life my whole existence is arranged. *I will not be swallowed, that I promise you! I would rather die than let you suck me in* so my rage, which protects me still, and which I wield with icy precision to ward off the threat of nothingness, whips out of control and scars those I most love. *you will not see me hurt. I would rather die than let you win*
Fuck you I need you so much to say I may be…
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