Archive for the General category
Gay Rights vs Religious Freedom
Posted on Saturday, April 12, 2008 at 9:27 AM by Duncan Bouwer
Listen to this as a Podcast
It seems to have been commonly accepted now (due to the highly orchestrated and extremely successful efforts of the Gay Left) that reparative therapy for people with unwanted same-sex feelings is harmful. (click here for a search I did on Google. The results are mixed) I am not sure about that. There is anecdotal evidence both ways and much has been done to unearth any individuals who have undergone said therapy to prove that is not only doesn't work but also that it is harmful. I have personally been through the Living Waters course and since it is more of a discipleship course than anything else the only basis for it being potentially "harmful" in my view, is that the participant in question has come to question the Biblical basis for wanting to change and that is another question altogether.
I believe that the cognitive dissonance that is produced when people with unwanted same-sex attractions who are persuaded by (possibly well-meaning pro-gays) to feel that they are somehow being untrue to themselves when they act on their conviction that they need to change because they don't buy (for whatever reason) the pro-gay interpretation of the Bible, is in itself harmful. Religious freedom is a right and the right to pursue any course of action in order to be true to what one believes (as long as it doesn't hurt anybody else) is legitimate and shouldn't be frowned upon by anybody else. Any effort by anybody who is acting on whatever impulse, to dissuade them beyond making them aware of the alternatives, is repressive and needs to be recognised as such. Not everybody who has been through some form of reparative therapy has come out of it harmed and "secretly wanting to be gay but living a lie".
I am going to ignore the "research" and statistics and am going to focus on my own experience. Not only have I been through a Living Waters Course, but in the last two years have had in-depth councelling which was not aimed primarily at making me less gay. The councelling was as a result of a very destructive church experience that I had (churches are dangerous places as are gay political groups-- I have firsthand experience. Any groups is potentially a dangerous place and one needs to have eyes open since people are damaged and act that way) which needed in the first instance to be processed. As a result I got into some historical deep stuff that damaged me in ways that impacted my life profoundly. The upshot of it was that, because I have had unwanted same-sex attractions (and some had persisted into the recent past -- this is no secret. You can go to my Podcast and listen to me talk about why I still choose to live a straight and married lifestyle, while I occasionally experience gay unwanted same-sex attractions) we dealt with some of the roots of those (I know that in the minds of the pro-gay movement there is no nature-nurture debate but some of us have a contrary experience) and the result is that while I am far more at ease with myself I also have fewer and fewer attractions.
I have said in the very recent past in some posts that I don't believe that we should be trying to convince homosexuals they need to change because they will go to hell. I don't believe in eternal hell anymore and I don't believe that everybody should choose for anybody else FROM EITHER SIDE. I believe that it is fair that both sides should have the opportunity to state their case and the religious right have lost the right to assume they have a corner on the truth. The assumption of the moral high ground has now been take over by the pro-gay movement. They feel that they have some sort of obligation to inform which verges on the the religious fervour which they have sought to combat in ant-gay Christians. Well they don't. There is an obligation to INFORM but when it crosses a line and becomes coercion it enters the domain of repression. I have the right to want to change even if it were bad for me (which it has turned out not to be) and so does anybody else, no matter how misguided they might/might not be. I don't need the pro-gay movement to nanny me. The information out there has now gained a critical weight which obviates the need for pro-gays to decide for anybody what is good for them. Anything more than informing is self-righteous and offensive.
I detect an alarming trend: In the same way that religious anti-gay fundamentalists have traditionally thought that anybody who is opposed to them is somehow a threat, pro-gays seem to have adopted a similar stance and appear to believe that anybody who embodies an ExGay lifetyle constitutes a challenge that must be met or they will lose ground. This is a myth and any thinking person needs to nip this in the bud as it endangers all freedom of thought or speech and makes a mockery of any efforts to inform.
Edited on: Saturday, April 12, 2008 1:21 PMPosted in General (RSS), Struggle (RSS)
How to Change? Stop Obsessing!
Posted on Thursday, April 10, 2008 at 12:16 PM by Duncan Bouwer
Since I am of the opinion that God never intended
for us to be gay, I must have some sort of plan in mind to offer as
advice when guys decide they are brave enough to choose to go against
their feelings, right? Well not really. My first advice would be to stop
obsessing about your gay feelings. Its like a diet: the moment you feel
you are too fat and want to eat less, you suddenly start craving
everything that is not on your eating plan and all the obsessing doesn't
help at all.
The bottom line is that Jesus lives in your head so he sees everything you think and feel in any case. So feeling guilty about the fact that you are attracted to that hunk walking down the street, is just a waste of energy. You cannot change your feelings. So talk to Somebody who can, and presumably wants to. Turn to Him. Maybe it could go something like this: "Hey Lord, you see that I am out of control here. I am tired of trying to change myself. I want to change but you are the one with the power in this relationship, so please won't you take control here and change the feelings?" And if you are not really at the place where you really want to change but you think you should want to, be honest about that too. Taking the pressure off will help a lot, trust me.
For heaven's sake don't get yourself into a situation where you know you will be in trouble. Don't go to gay bars and clubs, make friends that you know can support you in your decision. And when the feelings come, say: "What the Hell, I have some way to go but I know Somebody who is on my side." Live your life with joy and abandon, since God loves you. Do stuff that gives you life and worry less. Enjoy your Christian friends. And don't let it be a threat to you when somebody chooses to be gay and enjoy it. God has convicted you that you have a different road. Your responsibility is to HIM not to others. Your choice is your business. Make it. Stick to it.
Edited on: Thursday, April 10, 2008 12:33 PMPosted in General (RSS), Struggle (RSS)
What if Everybody and Nobody goes to Hell?
Posted on Thursday, April 10, 2008 at 11:25 AM by Duncan Bouwer
I am much more comfortable with the idea that God doesn't send 90% of
humanity to Hell for something they had no control over (Adam's sin). I
am also much more comfortable with the idea that Jesus' sacrifice is not
somehow weaker in efficacy than Adam's sin. Think about this: Adam sins.
The whole Human Race is affected. Jesus sacrifices himself. Only those
that accept the sacrifice are saved.
That somehow seems out of balance, doesn't it? There is plenty of scripture that will lead us to believe that Christ died for all and that those who didn't hear about it in life or those whose eyes were darkened to the Truth will one day bow to Him. Consider this:
Now is the judgment of this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out. And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw [drag] all peoples to Myself (Jn. 12:31-32). "When judgment comes, the enemy is cast out, and all peoples are dragged to Christ. Is this not judgment with a grand and glorious purpose?" (Hope Beyond Hell p75)
This has implications for Homosexuals. In the last while I have been reluctant to say Gays are going to hell. I have been open about the fact that I can't find it in myself to send them to (eternal) hell, even though I have personally chosen a road of change and embraced a heterosexual lifestyle. There is no sin greater in any case than any other and if homosexuality is a sin then it will have consequences for every man and woman who chooses to embrace it as a lifestyle, as much as every individual and lifestyle sin will have for every other person. (1 Cor 3.12-15: If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.-- This is talking about believers!)
So what remains is to decide what to say about homosexuality and once again I say: I am not there to tell anybody that it is wrong. They have the same Bible as I have and they can read it and ask the Holy Spirit to interpret for themselves what it says about Homosexuality. I believe that it was never God's plan that we should be Gay. Read the Blue bar on the right on this page on my site and take into consideration the fact that nobody, not even Jesus, talks about our relationship with him in anything but pictures of Heterosexuality. It is not our place to preach to people about their lives. It our place to show people Jesus by demonstrating acceptance and love and winning them for the Kingdom. Jesus hung out with people who were considered sinners and I bet he never once told them "I love you but I hate your sin". The conviction of his love for them turned them. But it was his love that did it. We can't expect him to have the opportunity convict people of sin if they have not been fully convicted of love. Let's get the love part right before we worry about the sin. People will not buy the love if they can constantly see the hate and prejudice behind out eyes, waiting to come and do the switch the moment they are hooked.
Posted in Beliefs (RSS), General (RSS)
Hell over Grace as a Deterrent
Posted on Tuesday, April 08, 2008 at 11:20 AM by Duncan Bouwer
We as Christians have become lazy. Or let me rather say it this way: I,
as a Christian, have become lazy. I have grown up on "Grace" and have
translated it to License It is too easy to say, "please forgive me"
while I am still sinning-- but note, I don't stop. I suppose rather that
than turning away from Christ because I am so ashamed. But better I
don't sin at all!
As a person who struggles with homosexuality, speaking to others who do, I need something stronger than the thought of hanging my head in God's presence one day to dissuade me from sinning, and I suspect most of us are the same. We have a sort of hazy idea how sin fits into our future because we walk around with bumper stickers like: "I am not perfect, just forgiven" in our heads which allow Jesus' sacrifice to be misused because we are not able. But 1Co 10:13 says the following: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
But just recently I have come upon another motivation not to allow myself to fall into sin. I have started reading about a stream of Christianity that is very old indeed. It holds basically that Christ died for all and so ALL are saved, whether they accept his sacrifice in this life or not. But more to the point, Hell is a sort of stopover with the punishment tailored to fit the crime, i.e. it is a finite punishment that leaves us purified.
This has implications. We will, as Christians be judged for our deeds after we die. Look at this passage: Lu. 12:41-49.
Then Peter said to Him, "Lord, do You speak this parable only to us, or to all people?" And the Lord said, "Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his master will make ruler over his household, to give them their portion of food in due season? Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes. Truly, I say to you that he will make him ruler over all that he has. But if that servant says in his heart, "My master is delaying his coming," and begins to beat the male and female servants, and to eat and drink and be drunk, the master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in two and appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant who knew his master's will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more. I came to send fire on the earth"
"This passage is a warning to believers. What is the threat? To be cut in two and appointed our "portion" with unbelievers. Unbelievers and unfaithful believers receive the same judgment! Why should we be shocked? Does not the judge of all the earth do right?" (Gerry Beauchemin-- author of Hope Beyond Hell)
While being so enthralled with Him for being the God who has the power and mercy to save ALL, I also am getting a view of his Just Nature and what the implications are for me if I sin. The result is that I tread very lightly. More will be required of me as somebody who knows Jesus and has been exposed to his sinless example.
Suddenly I find myself reluctant to disappoint him. And that is how it should be.
What do you think? I encourage you to read Hope Beyond Hell, (free book download) as it goes back to a stream of Christianity that is older than the notion that only some would have eternal life (comes from Augustine and is based on a misinterpretation of a word aion) It deserves attention as it has implications for what happens to homosexuals when they die. More about that in a later post!
Edited on: Thursday, April 10, 2008 11:38 AMPosted in Beliefs (RSS), General (RSS)
"Normal Homosex?
Posted on Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 7:16 AM by Duncan Bouwer
Is it "normal" for boys and girls to go through a homosexual stage on the road to adolescence? GOOD QUESTION! Why don't you write to me and tell me what you think?
Posted in Archive (RSS), General (RSS)
How does one become gay?
Posted on Thursday, February 14, 2008 at 4:53 PM by Duncan Bouwer
How does one become gay? Are you born like that, or do you become like that through upbringing? The old "nature/nurture" debate all over again.
This has not been resolved. But there seems to be one common factor. In men, at least, it seems that there is always some dilemma with the father-figure. Gay men would like to deny this, but there seems to be plenty of proof for this . It seems like there is no single group with such perfect father-son relationships as militant gay men.
For others of us, coming out of homosexuality, the picture is very different. In a post-war generation, it is not surprising that there is such an increase in homosexuality. Absent fathers, both emotionally and physically, are the norm.
As I say elsewhere there probably is a gene that predisposes one to homosexual attractions. Like everything else in nature/creation, call it what you will, I believe it is a mistake. I believe it is a result of the Fall of creation and wouldn't have been that way had we not entered into disobedience through our ancestor Adam. I also believe that this falls into the same category as our predisposition to sexual immorality: it was never intended to be that way. So there it is... I know it is not a popular position.
Posted in Archive (RSS), Beliefs (RSS), General (RSS)
To Start with-- The Long Journey
Posted on Saturday, February 09, 2008 at 4:45 PM by Duncan Bouwer
Hi There
I have been writing on various websites about homosexuality since I was introduced to the Internet in 1996.
It started on A site that I ran called Hero Minitries. After that I bought a domian called www.exgayman.org. Unfortunately I was stupid enough to dump the domain and buy this one, without selling it. It has been taken over by some sort of gay porn link. Very dumb of me.
My views have remained essentially the same but they are developing. So I will put what I wrote way back then in the ARCHIVE category to keep a record of what I have thought over the years. I may comment on my own thoughts as time goes by to make sure that I stay current. But for now I am just going to document, one post a day, what I have said over the years and then take it from there. I hope you will comment and engage with me. I am sure you will!
Blessings
Duncan Bouwer