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GUARD YOUR HEART
Part one
Proverbs 4:23-27
The question is often asked: how do I live, in a practical way, that will accelerate my victory in the struggle against my unwanted same-sex attraction?
The answer is not simple, and to make the question more relevant, it should perhaps be rephrased: how do I live, in a practical way, that will accelerate my victory in the struggle against the immaturity and idolatry which are an inherent part of my fallen nature as a man/woman, who is as yet unglorified?
You see, the answer to both is the same, but if you try and answer the first question, you will inevitably be skewed in your response; misled into placing the emphasis where it does not belong: on the unwanted same-sex attraction, which is a symptom of the idolatrous and immature ways of relating to which the world at large, and we in our own particular way, are prone!
I am going to try and answer the question, at least partially, from Proverbs 4:23-27. The portion of scripture, in the Amplified Bible, reads as follows:
"23 Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. 24 Put away from you all false and dishonest speech, and wilful and contrary talk put far from you. 25 Let your eyes look right on [with fixed purpose] and let your gaze be straight before you. 26 Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright. 27 Turn not aside to the right hand or the left; remove your foot from evil."
In the interest of brevity, this week I will only deal with verse 23, and thereafter with a verse a week for 4 weeks after that.
So, on to verse 23: "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."
Biblically speaking, the heart is the seat of emotion and belief. This is what the bible is referring to here. It is our convictions about ourselves and the world which drive us to act in certain ways, some of which are good, and most of which are bad. Our (homosexually oriented) hearts are filled with all sorts of rubbish to start off with. That is why we are attracted to the same sex in the first place.
We believe: 1) that we are unlovable. Our fathers and mothers, in almost all cases, were so broken, that they were simply not able to love us in a way which could produce a person who knows their own worth, as expressed by God the Father. This is not their fault, but something which is passed on from the previous generations in an endless tide of brokenness, each generation compounding the errors of the previous.
We believe: 2) That it is unsafe to trust anybody... a) ...to meet our needs, least of all God, who in many cases we subconsciously/consciously hold responsible for our pain, and our turning out the way we have. b) ...not to hurt us, and so we secretly/openly believe that God will do the same, since he is supposed to be in control of the world and so must take responsibility for who we are. c) ...with our love, since we have been rejected so many times before, starting with our parents (in some cases) and carrying on in a continuous line of rejection, until we hoard our feelings carefully, becoming closed off until we have lost the ability to love, except for meeting our most immediate needs (sex), without giving anything of ourselves in return.
We believe: 3) That we deserve what we have been dealt, because we are completely unworthy to start off with, so when we get dumped again, or hurt again, or our trust is abused again, we are not surprised, because it merely confirms what we know anyway. So God cannot love us because we have been proven time and time again to be unworthy of love, and deserving of punishment and abuse.
That is why the Bible says that we should keep and guard our hearts. It influences the way we see reality. What we believe, makes us relate to the world in a certain way, and the way we relate to the world determines to a large degree how it relates to us.
You will notice that all of the above examples contain in some way or another, an attitude to God. In some way or another what we have experienced has misshapen our perception of God in such a way that we are prepared to:
1) ...call him a liar, when he says he loves and values us, 2) ...choose our own way of doing things rather than to be vulnerable and do things his way.
These are idolatrous attitudes, because: a) we set ourselves up as authorities above God and what he says. We might not have actively chosen to believe these things but we have to take responsibility for continuing in our faulty beliefs. Out of them "flow the springs of life"! b) We set ourselves above God when we do things our way. We have the RIGHT to be this way: we have been hurt enough!
Everything that is not faith is sin (Rom 14:23 slightly out of context). Every belief that contradicts God is sin. Every belief that chooses our own opinion above his, is idolatry. It's very true, and very simple. You can dig up all the memories in the world, of being hurt and abused and victimised, and you may go through emotional healing till the cows come home, but if it does not produce repentance in your heart for the things you have chosen to believe about God, you will not move more than a baby step ahead.
MATURITY Maturity means taking responsibility for your choices. Perhaps you were to young/small to make informed choices about the way you saw God before, but now you are hoping to outgrow those ways of relating, and that means that you must face up to that fact that you can either continue to make your choices in the same way, or you can grow up and see things his way.
EXERCISE Check what you believe about reality. The only beliefs about reality that really matter, are what you believe about God. What do you believe about God? Do you beliefs concur with his Word? How do they differ? What can you do about it? Spend some time talking to God about your attitudes to him. He is not surprised, and according to Rom 8:1 "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Ask him to forgive you for your attitudes, and declare your willingness, at least in principle, to co-operate with him as he adjusts your attitudes.
And may the "Peace that passes all understanding and guards you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus," (Phillippians 4:7) be yours.
Part 2 of TEACHING on Proverbs 4:23-27
Proverbs 4:24 "Put away from you false and dishonest speech, and wilful and contrary talk put far away from you."
This verse can be interpreted on several levels insofar as it touches the lives of humans in general, but also one who is struggling with an unwanted same-sex attraction, in particular.
The first is the purely practical. The homosexual lifestyle, for those of you who have been part of it, has a certain lingua franca, or universal speech which characterises it. Men are often referred to by female names, and so are situations, institutions etc. Furthermore a certain wry, bitter humour, or "camp" is characteristic of the gay experience. Men often speak like women and women speak like men. Of course, this is not strictly true of all streams of the homosexual experience, but a significant portion of the so-called "gay community" find themselves using certain tones, words, and inferences.
It is my conviction that, while it is part of the ghetto mentality which characterised the gay experience in the past, and it has become generalised and even acceptable through the media to some degree, there is a very strong demonic aspect to this, and this is where the danger lies for those who are trying to change in line with the will of God for their sexuality.
It might seem far-fetched that a tone of voice, (high-pitched, a parody of the feminine), sibilance (once again a parody of the feminine) and a certain brand of humour --which is so attractive because it fits right into our sense of the ironic, which is such a good defence against the hurts that have been inflicted against us-- might be an indicator of demonic oppression. But when we see how certain of these characteristics manifest themselves ALL OVER THE WORLD and even where young men and women have not had contact with other homosexuals, we have to at least give this theory some credence. Therefore I would suggest that, since there might be even a suggestion that this may be true, we should "put away from [us]...wilful and contrary talk".
My experience with the lesbian version of this has been limited, so I will presume that the women among us will be able to call to mind the female version of what I have mentioned here. Think of the excessive "butchness", the roughness and parody of the worst of masculine behaviour that characterises the idea that we have of quintessential mainstream lesbian behaviour, and you are getting close to the mark.
What I am getting to is this: we need to purge our thoughts of anything which smacks of homosexual behaviour. If any of the above was part of that behaviour, our speech needs to conform in the same way our other behaviour needs to. Even, and especially, in jest, we need to be aware that we are not giving expression to an identification with a subculture which we have committed ourselves no longer to be a part of. I know that there are some who would not agree with me, and would even be offended at my stereotyping of homosexuals, but as with sexual sin, we need to "avoid even the appearance" of it (Eph 5:3, slightly out of context). I am not here advocating that we now all become the parody of masculinity or femininity which even the world holds up to ridicule, or that we lose our own unique sense of humour. I am not advocating that we become something we are not. Sexual behaviour is not what we are talking about here, although sexual innuendo and suggestiveness certainly would fall into this category. (We will get to that at another stage). We are talking about words, habits of speech, and a "linguistic" identification with a group of which we ARE NO LONGER A PART!
QUESTION TO CONSIDER
1) Does any of the above apply to you?
2) Reading this piece, were you beginning to get hot under the collar?
a) I would like you to consider why.
b) Is the verbal behaviour mentioned above part of your identity?
c) Is it something that you are not even prepared to consider giving up?
d) Would you consider giving it up if you though God was saying you should?
e) Do you think he is?
3) At any given moment, ask the Holy Spirit if you are speaking in what HE would consider a godly womanly or manly fashion, and using words which express and reinforce your own unique masculinity/femininity.
Part 3 of "Proverbs for Straight Living.
Proverbs 4: 24 part two.
"Put away from you false and dishonest speech, and wilful and contrary talk put far away from you."
Last week I discussed those aspects of the above verse which specifically pertain to people who struggle with homosexuality. Some of you responded saying that you didn't struggle with camp language etc. specifically, but that you did see that your humour was a potential place of vulnerability. Thanks for the feedback.
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