ExGayMan

Gay Rights vs Religious Freedom

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:27:07 +0200

Listen to this as a Podcast

It seems to have been commonly accepted now (due to the highly orchestrated and extremely successful efforts of the Gay Left) that reparative therapy for people with unwanted same-sex feelings is harmful. (click here for a search I did on Google. The results are mixed) I am not sure about that. There is anecdotal evidence both ways and much has been done to unearth any individuals who have undergone said therapy to prove that is not only doesn't work but also that it is harmful. I have personally been through the Living Waters course and since it is more of a discipleship course than anything else the only basis for it being potentially "harmful" in my view, is that the participant in question has come to question the Biblical basis for wanting to change and that is another question altogether.

I believe that the cognitive dissonance that is produced when people with unwanted same-sex attractions who are persuaded by (possibly well-meaning pro-gays) to feel that they are somehow being untrue to themselves when they act on their conviction that they need to change because they don't buy (for whatever reason) the pro-gay interpretation of the Bible, is in itself harmful. Religious freedom is a right and the right to pursue any course of action in order to be true to what one believes (as long as it doesn't hurt anybody else) is legitimate and shouldn't be frowned upon by anybody else. Any effort by anybody who is acting on whatever impulse, to dissuade them beyond making them aware of the alternatives, is repressive and needs to be recognised as such. Not everybody who has been through some form of reparative therapy has come out of it harmed and "secretly wanting to be gay but living a lie".

I am going to ignore the "research" and statistics and am going to focus on my own experience. Not only have I been through a Living Waters Course, but in the last two years have had in-depth councelling which was not aimed primarily at making me less gay. The councelling was as a result of a very destructive church experience that I had (churches are dangerous places as are gay political groups-- I have firsthand experience. Any groups is potentially a dangerous place and one needs to have eyes open since people are damaged and act that way) which needed in the first instance to be processed. As a result I got into some historical deep stuff that damaged me in ways that impacted my life profoundly. The upshot of it was that, because I have had unwanted same-sex attractions (and some had persisted into the recent past -- this is no secret. You can go to my Podcast and listen to me talk about why I still choose to live a straight and married lifestyle, while I occasionally experience gay unwanted same-sex attractions) we dealt with some of the roots of those (I know that in the minds of the pro-gay movement there is no nature-nurture debate but some of us have a contrary experience) and the result is that while I am far more at ease with myself I also have fewer and fewer attractions.

I have said in the very recent past in some posts that I don't believe that we should be trying to convince homosexuals they need to change because they will go to hell. I don't believe in eternal hell anymore and I don't believe that everybody should choose for anybody else FROM EITHER SIDE. I believe that it is fair that both sides should have the opportunity to state their case and the religious right have lost the right to assume they have a corner on the truth. The assumption of the moral high ground has now been take over by the pro-gay movement. They feel that they have some sort of obligation to inform which verges on the the religious fervour which they have sought to combat in ant-gay Christians. Well they don't. There is an obligation to INFORM but when it crosses a line and becomes coercion it enters the domain of repression. I have the right to want to change even if it were bad for me (which it has turned out not to be) and so does anybody else, no matter how misguided they might/might not be. I don't need the pro-gay movement to nanny me. The information out there has now gained a critical weight which obviates the need for pro-gays to decide for anybody what is good for them. Anything more than informing is self-righteous and offensive.

I detect an alarming trend: In the same way that religious anti-gay fundamentalists have traditionally thought that anybody who is opposed to them is somehow a threat, pro-gays seem to have adopted a similar stance and appear to believe that anybody who embodies an ExGay lifetyle constitutes a challenge that must be met or they will lose ground. This is a myth and any thinking person needs to nip this in the bud as it endangers all freedom of thought or speech and makes a mockery of any efforts to inform.

How to Change? Stop Obsessing!

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 12:16:04 +0200

Since I am of the opinion that God never intended for us to be gay, I must have some sort of plan in mind to offer as advice when guys decide they are brave enough to choose to go against their feelings, right? Well not really. My first advice would be to stop obsessing about your gay feelings. Its like a diet: the moment you feel you are too fat and want to eat less, you suddenly start craving everything that is not on your eating plan and all the obsessing doesn't help at all.

The bottom line is that Jesus lives in your head so he sees everything you think and feel in any case. So feeling guilty about the fact that you are attracted to that hunk walking down the street, is just a waste of energy. You cannot change your feelings. So talk to Somebody who can, and presumably wants to. Turn to Him. Maybe it could go something like this: "Hey Lord, you see that I am out of control here. I am tired of trying to change myself. I want to change but you are the one with the power in this relationship, so please won't you take control here and change the feelings?" And if you are not really at the place where you really want to change but you think you should want to, be honest about that too. Taking the pressure off will help a lot, trust me.

For heaven's sake don't get yourself into a situation where you know you will be in trouble. Don't go to gay bars and clubs, make friends that you know can support you in your decision. And when the feelings come, say: "What the Hell, I have some way to go but I know Somebody who is on my side." Live your life with joy and abandon, since God loves you. Do stuff that gives you life and worry less. Enjoy your Christian friends. And don't let it be a threat to you when somebody chooses to be gay and enjoy it. God has convicted you that you have a different road. Your responsibility is to HIM not to others. Your choice is your business. Make it. Stick to it.

What if Everybody and Nobody goes to Hell?

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:25:45 +0200

I am much more comfortable with the idea that God doesn't send 90% of humanity to Hell for something they had no control over (Adam's sin). I am also much more comfortable with the idea that Jesus' sacrifice is not somehow weaker in efficacy than Adam's sin. Think about this: Adam sins. The whole Human Race is affected. Jesus sacrifices himself. Only those that accept the sacrifice are saved.

That somehow seems out of balance, doesn't it? There is plenty of scripture that will lead us to believe that Christ died for all and that those who didn't hear about it in life or those whose eyes were darkened to the Truth will one day bow to Him. Consider this:

Now is the judgment of this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out. And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw [drag] all peoples to Myself (Jn. 12:31-32). "When judgment comes, the enemy is cast out, and all peoples are dragged to Christ. Is this not judgment with a grand and glorious purpose?" (Hope Beyond Hell p75)

This has implications for Homosexuals. In the last while I have been reluctant to say Gays are going to hell. I have been open about the fact that I can't find it in myself to send them to (eternal) hell, even though I have personally chosen a road of change and embraced a heterosexual lifestyle. There is no sin greater in any case than any other and if homosexuality is a sin then it will have consequences for every man and woman who chooses to embrace it as a lifestyle, as much as every individual and lifestyle sin will have for every other person. (1 Cor 3.12-15: If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.-- This is talking about believers!)

So what remains is to decide what to say about homosexuality and once again I say: I am not there to tell anybody that it is wrong. They have the same Bible as I have and they can read it and ask the Holy Spirit to interpret for themselves what it says about Homosexuality. I believe that it was never God's plan that we should be Gay. Read the Blue bar on the right on this page on my site and take into consideration the fact that nobody, not even Jesus, talks about our relationship with him in anything but pictures of Heterosexuality. It is not our place to preach to people about their lives. It our place to show people Jesus by demonstrating acceptance and love and winning them for the Kingdom. Jesus hung out with people who were considered sinners and I bet he never once told them "I love you but I hate your sin". The conviction of his love for them turned them. But it was his love that did it. We can't expect him to have the opportunity convict people of sin if they have not been fully convicted of love. Let's get the love part right before we worry about the sin. People will not buy the love if they can constantly see the hate and prejudice behind out eyes, waiting to come and do the switch the moment they are hooked.

Hell over Grace as a Deterrent

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 11:20:39 +0200

We as Christians have become lazy. Or let me rather say it this way: I, as a Christian, have become lazy. I have grown up on "Grace" and have translated it to License It is too easy to say, "please forgive me" while I am still sinning-- but note, I don't stop. I suppose rather that than turning away from Christ because I am so ashamed. But better I don't sin at all!

As a person who struggles with homosexuality, speaking to others who do, I need something stronger than the thought of hanging my head in God's presence one day to dissuade me from sinning, and I suspect most of us are the same. We have a sort of hazy idea how sin fits into our future because we walk around with bumper stickers like: "I am not perfect, just forgiven" in our heads which allow Jesus' sacrifice to be misused because we are not able. But 1Co 10:13 says the following: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

But just recently I have come upon another motivation not to allow myself to fall into sin. I have started reading about a stream of Christianity that is very old indeed. It holds basically that Christ died for all and so ALL are saved, whether they accept his sacrifice in this life or not. But more to the point, Hell is a sort of stopover with the punishment tailored to fit the crime, i.e. it is a finite punishment that leaves us purified.

This has implications. We will, as Christians be judged for our deeds after we die. Look at this passage: Lu. 12:41-49.

Then Peter said to Him, "Lord, do You speak this parable only to us, or to all people?" And the Lord said, "Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his master will make ruler over his household, to give them their portion of food in due season? Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes. Truly, I say to you that he will make him ruler over all that he has. But if that servant says in his heart, "My master is delaying his coming," and begins to beat the male and female servants, and to eat and drink and be drunk, the master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in two and appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant who knew his master's will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more. I came to send fire on the earth"

"This passage is a warning to believers. What is the threat? To be cut in two and appointed our "portion" with unbelievers. Unbelievers and unfaithful believers receive the same judgment! Why should we be shocked? Does not the judge of all the earth do right?" (Gerry Beauchemin-- author of Hope Beyond Hell)

While being so enthralled with Him for being the God who has the power and mercy to save ALL, I also am getting a view of his Just Nature and what the implications are for me if I sin. The result is that I tread very lightly. More will be required of me as somebody who knows Jesus and has been exposed to his sinless example.

Suddenly I find myself reluctant to disappoint him. And that is how it should be.

What do you think? I encourage you to read Hope Beyond Hell, (free book download) as it goes back to a stream of Christianity that is older than the notion that only some would have eternal life (comes from Augustine and is based on a misinterpretation of a word aion) It deserves attention as it has implications for what happens to homosexuals when they die. More about that in a later post!

LIVING WATERS vs. BROKEN CISTERNS

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 10:05:19 +0200

GENERAL INTRODUCTION

Many things about this time away on the Living Waters Training course (Feb 1997), have impacted me profoundly. Before I went I was feeling further away from the Lord than I had ever felt. I had allowed a tide of greyness and mediocrity in my walk with the Lord to overtake me. None of you have probably ever experienced this, I know, *smile* but I had, and I lived for the moments when I led worship, because then I would become part of the blessing that God bestowed , and I would be blessed as well. I was hoping that this training course would reverse the tide, and so I went away, set up for disappointment. But the Lord is faithful. He waits for the least inkling on our parts that we are prepared to meet him, and then he runs to us�but I'm getting ahead of myself.

As I was saying, many things impacted me profoundly, and until I had though what to share, I had little idea that they were all linked. For instance:

� I was struck by the fervour and zealousness of the people who taught us.

� I was struck by the fact that when I was with them, suddenly I was back where I passionately loved the Lord, and I just knew that I never wanted to be in a place again, where I was not right in his presence and BURNING UP for his sake.

� Andy Comiskey spoke of the honour of God, and I was struck by that.

� I was struck by how fat and lumpish I felt, after a few days of sitting and eating and sleeping, and man, did we eat well, but that is another story�

� I was struck by the love that flowed from these people and their readiness to admit their faults. The testimonies walked a fine line between sensationalism (because, boy, were some of the stories sensational) and giving glory to God. But that is what they were�God's glory.

� And maybe I was most struck by the fact that when they prayed for someone, the Lord showed up. By the end of the second day, I felt like I had been there a week. I simply knew that I could not receive another thing, and that the overweight numbness I felt in my posterior was rapidly engulfing my brain and heart. But still, the Lord pushed though because of a combination of his faithfulness, and theirs. I just knew that this is where I wanted to be. This is what being a Christian is all about. Of course I understand that there is a certain dynamic which comes about when a bunch of people are together at a retreat for a week. That's why some people become conference junkies. But this was different. There seemed to be no gap between what they were preaching and what was happening in the evidence of the move of the Spirit. Andy Comiskey teaches that, in order for us to be able to teach this course, which hopes to break the power of deeply ingrained hurt and the resultant sin, we have to be pure ourselves. It is no good that we teach on forgiveness if we harbour unforgiveness ourselves. This not to say that we are perfect, but rather that we be accountable, and I will say more about that later.

It is no accident that the course which we went to learn more about, and which brings new life to so many people, is called Living Waters. It is of course, a term which you have heard before. The most famous instance is where Jesus offers the woman at the well LIVING WATER. But there are some instances in the Old Testament where the Lord speaks of Living Water. One in particular is significant to us today�

In Jeremiah 2:13, the Lord says:

"My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, THE SPRING OF LIVING WATER, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

It seems to me that the two sins mentioned here are the two fundamental sins of all humanity, from Adam and Eve down. The sins of meeting our needs in our own way, WHEN WE HAVE A BETTER WAY AVAILABLE TO US.

The irony is that we insist on drinking from our own broken cisterns even when they have clearly proven themselves to be UNABLE TO MEET OUR NEEDS; unable to quench our thirst.

People who struggle with sexual brokenness, whether it is the addiction to pornography, the addiction to anonymous sex, the need to have a sexual relationship with another man or woman, or whatever, will always, without exception, at first find themselves trying to meet their own needs in their own way. The emptiness within the workaholic or the chain-smoker, trying to gratify a hunger that rises up from within, is all the same. And when we have realised that we are sinning, we will try to work our way out of our sinfulness in every other way possible, before we come to the one true source of all quenching, of all stilling of hunger: the source of the LIVING WATER, Jesus Christ himself.

We will fragment ourselves, breaking small pieces off and tucking them away where not even we can see them, so that we can avoid contact with the living, the real. We will believe that if enough time passes, our sin will pass away and no longer plague us. But all that happens, is that we become numb, and then we are surprised to find ourselves no longer alive to the move of the spirit of God. We don't even recognise the tide of greyness which has engulfed us, because we have welcomed it as a mistaken and sinful way of dealing with our sin.

The Lord God has deliberately designed us, and the universe, that way. Sin begets sin.

The Lord says in Jeremiah 2:19 "Your WICKEDNESS will punish you; your BACKSLIDING will rebuke you. "Consider then and realise how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the LORD your God and have no awe of me," declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty.

And here I come to the heart of what I feel the Lord wants me to tell you. This does not come directly from what I learnt at the Living Waters training course, but it underlies all the values they hold dear, because these values are fundamental to the way that God has designed reality.

In Exodus 34:12-16 the Lord says:

Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land where you are going, or they will be a snare among you. Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones and cut down their Asherah poles. DO NOT WORSHIP ANY OTHER GOD, FOR THE LORD, WHOSE NAME IS JEALOUS, IS A JEALOUS GOD. "Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will eat their sacrifices. And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same.

The Lord calls himself Jealous. The word is not only used an adjective, but he says his NAME is Jealous. The whole Living Waters course, being as it is based on the principles of reality as expressed on the Bible, is based on this fact. In his mercy, God has designed reality in a way that will always compel us to him. The Lord is not only jealous because he wants us for himself. He is also jealous for our well-being. He knows us. He made us to be like that. He is the highest good, and so unless we seek him out, we will perish for lack of sustenance. Our dependence on water, as biological beings that comprise of 75% of water, is a parable of this. We need water to survive. Without the Living Water obtained through coming to the Lord Jesus Christ, who is the fountain of all life, we wither away.

The Word of God teaches that sin is like leaven. If there is any leaven in a piece of dough, it will contaminate the whole loaf. And the Lord often destroyed the sinful among his people, because they would contaminate the good. That is also the way of sin inside of us. The tide of greyness starts by dimming God's Technicolor reality first to pastel, which is slowly watered down until the colour is merely a memory, and then even that fades until we see the world through a grey haze of mediocrity which discolours our view of reality, and we find ourselves asking questions of God which can only lead to the answer that God is selfish and mean . No wonder that Joseph's brothers hated him so much. His whole life was a testimony to being alive to the reality of God, and pushing back the tide of greyness which threatened to engulf him at every moment. His coat was only and external manifestation of an internal state! No wonder the Lord calls us to be ruthless, "Break[ing] down the altars, smash[ing] the sacred stones and cut[ing] down the Asherah poles."

If we do not, we end up like the woman at the well, so blinded by our sinfulness that we cannot see that he is the water of life, the LIVING WATER

Confession is one of the secrets to maintaining our zeal for the Lord. Unconfessed sin slowly but inexorable dulls our spiritual sense to the point where we cannot even remember what it feels like to be so alive to the Lord that sin hurts us almost as much as it hurts him. The glorious abundance of the colour of first love slowly dulls and is replaced by the murky greyness of depression and hopelessness. Confessing sin enlivens us to the to the breath of the Lord. What was previously striving becomes power and light. [And the Lord created a perfect place for this to happen. Accountability to each other and so to him, creates the perfect arena to test our zeal for him, since we are humbled every time we seek out someone to whom we can commit our deepest shame.

James 5:15-17 reads:

15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 THEREFORE CONFESS YOUR SINS TO EACH OTHER and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Confession to another Christian is important. It also allows God to demonstrate his love to us through the loving embrace and forgiveness that the brother or sister extends to us on his behalf, since they also know what it is to sin and be separated from the Father. Unconfessed sin denies the work of Christ on the cross, and so denies the power of redemption that is released through that work. It also denies the grace and forgiveness of God as expressed through Jesus, since our lack of confession robs him of the opportunity to confer upon us the glory of the robes of righteousness which rightfully only belong to his son Jesus. The Lord Expects us to be honest. He hates the pretence of righteousness more than honest unrighteousness. [Jer 3: 10 In spite of all this, her unfaithful sister Judah did not return to me with all her heart, but only in pretence," declares the LORD. 11 The LORD said to me, "Faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah.]

Only polluted water can flow from a broken cistern. Only the untrammeled resources of Christ can produce rivers of living water.

In John 7:37 Jesus says in a loud voice,

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. 38 Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

In Galations 6:2 it says

6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently� And in verse 2 "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ."

As I said, one of the things which struck me most about the people that I met at the Living waters training course, was their zeal for the Lord, and his honour. God's honour is seldom challenged outright in the lives of Christians. Their zeal is leeched from them slowly and thoroughly by little choices, which are made every day, every moment. Do not be mislead, it is not only those of us who come out of the depths of sexual sin, that need to keep our slates clean to prevent us from falling again. If you and I, all of us weak in some area, do not remain accountable, we are slowly engulfed by a tide of greyness, which starts, at first only wetting our feet, and then creeping up to encircle our ankles, until we get used to the stench and are unaware that it begins to climb higher and higher, finally overtaking our heads. And we drown, no longer even remembering what the glorious Technicolor of God's variety and love were like.

It is up to us to push back the tide of mediocrity and sin which engulfs us.

If you feel like a slime ball in the face of all this, you do of course know that there is a place where the Lord has ordained for us to meet him, allowing him to pay for our sins; allowing him to remove the obstacles to our fellowship with him, the causes of his wrath. No longer is it necessary for us to perpetuate the sins of our fathers, to pay for their idolatry and disobedience. And no longer is it necessary for our children to suffer to the tenth generation for our sins. Here is the place of reconciliation. Here Jesus meets us to take over the load. Here we hand over the responsibility to him. Here we halt the engulfing power of the tide of greyness and unleash the power of love and unity with God. Sin begets sin. If we sow to sin we will reap sin. If we cherish it, it will destroy us.

The Lord says in Jeremiah 2:19:

Your WICKEDNESS will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you. Consider then and realise how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the LORD your God and have no awe of me," declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty.

So today I challenge you to bring to the Lord the sins which he is now raising in your minds; the dirt that is floating to the surface even as I speak If you have even the faintest inkling that there is something that you need to confess to the Lord in the presence of a trusted other, find some trusted Christian brother or sister, and ask them to pray with you now! The Lord has given us the authority to forgive sins. Use oil, and seal the work of forgiveness that has taken place in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

I urge you to embrace the opportunity of offering your sin to the Lord. I entreat you to see the deception behind trying to meet your needs in your own way. [Jer 3: 23 Surely the idolatrous commotion on the hills and mountains is a deception; surely in the LORD our God is the salvation of Israel.]

He is calling us to offer up to him our pet indulgences. He is calling us to smash the idols we have cherished in our hearts. What has promised to enrich us and fill our needs has stolen from us [Jer 3: 24 From our youth shameful gods have consumed the fruits of our fathers' labour-- their flocks and herds, their sons and daughters.] This is the time to begin the process of pushing the tide of greyness back whence it came.

Grey is not a shade of white. It is a shade of black. There is no shade of white except white. There is however one colour, and only one, that can lead to white. It is the colour red. It is the red of the blood of Christ shed for us on the cross. I urge you to set aside the qualms you have at such emotive language. This is the fabric of truth. This is the substance of the universe. If you believe that God is the ultimate good, you can see it only because he has shown it to you in spite of that which separates you from him. It is the work of the Holy Spirit that is bringing you to a place of new accountability to the Lord. If your life has been overcome by greyness and sameness for a long time now, this is for you. Now is the time!

By the grace of the Lord, unconfessed sin is even now surfacing. Do not heed the voice of the Father of all Greyness who cautions you against such extravagance. Here is the Cross. Here you can offer up that which has become your familiar partner for such a long time.

Nothing is too small. There is an incident from your childhood coming to your mind. It is insignificant, it seems, but it could be a portal through which greyness has seeped into your life, and the Lord is urging you now to close it.

There is a sin from your past, something which you have often confessed to the Lord in the privacy of your quiet time, but it still comes up for no apparent reason. Now is the time to come to Him to put an end to your indecision.

Now is the time.

"Normal Homosex?

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 07:16:26 +0200

Is it "normal" for boys and girls to go through a homosexual stage on the road to adolescence? GOOD QUESTION! Why don't you write to me and tell me what you think?

The Bible and Homosexuality

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 11:31:03 +0200

The reality is that it's not about homosexuality or heterosexuality. It is about submission. The bible states clearly the parameters for sexuality and the practise of sexual intercourse. It is even more specific about the parameters for heterosexuality than for homosexuality.

But if we are not prepared to submit our agendas and natural instincts (the instinct to be polygamous, the instinct to have sex with a person of the same sex) then we cannot rightly call ourselves Christians. Heterosexuals have to restrict themselves to one sexual partner for life, no matter how natural it may feel to sleep with multiple partners. What's the difference?

Sex is an expression of who God is. It is not primarily an expression of who we are. And God is, by definition (Gen 1:27) male and female.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24) To be reunited; to be as they were before Eve was taken out of Adam. To once again be like God.

WHY WE SUFFER

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:13:37 +0200

Looking at the world, what you see is rape, alcoholism, divorce, etc. and it is difficult to see the purpose behind all this suffering. Indeed, for the non-religious person, there seems to be little point in it all, and this is reflected in the philosophies that gave rise to our modern culture. In the absence of any kind of central unifying principle, the world has had to assume that the human being is in the centre of the universe, and self-actualization, whatever form it might take, is the main goal. When this fails, and all the mind-power in the world does not produce permanent "happiness" and fulfilment, humankind has to ask the question:

"What is the purpose of life?"

The world has no answer to this question. Assuming that meeting their perceived needs is the highest good, they are dumbfounded when they cannot do it, or at least, when that which they do to achieve this goal, fails. The fact is that, while they may not be able to pinpoint the purpose of life, they easily identify the nature of life:

"Life is a struggle"

But why? This is not such a stupid question as it may seem. If the nonbeliever cannot find an answer to this question, their struggle has no purpose, and there is no reason for them to endure the suffering, and they might as well commit suicide, as a great many of them indeed do.

The Christian life

So what about the Christian life? Why does the Christian have to suffer? After all, we have done what it takes to inherit "life, and life more abundantly". We have done what it says in Romans 10:9 "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.". So we should, according to the faith movement at least, have a life of plain sailing. We should be rich, healthy, and carefree. WHY AREN'T WE? Are we in sin, do we not have enough faith? Does the Lord not care? Are his promises false, or are we misinterpreting something?

This seems important enough to pursue. Not only do we need to know what we rightfully may expect, but we need to know why!

Apparently the process of salvation goes like this:

Rom 5:1 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

That seems fair enough! There is "hope of the glory of God"! So let's carry on�

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, "

WAIT minute! Who said anything about suffering? This story is getting out of hand! Read on. Maybe it is a mistake!

"�because we know that suffering produces perseverance;�"

Nope, no mistake here!

"�perseverance, [produces] character; and character, hope."

What kind of hope can all that produce? The only kind of hope I want is that I won't have to suffer too much. This is not what it said in the contract:

Rom 10:9 "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved,

10 For it is with your heart that you believe, and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."

It doesn't even say, "confess your sin", it says "confess Jesus is Lord". BAD NEWS!!!! I didn't read the small print.

A small fact:

The word "Suffer/suffering/suffered" appears in the NIV version of the Bible 90 times in 83 verses!

But it does say:

Rom 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes."

So there must be something in all of this that is for our good, and

Suffering understood is suffering more easily borne!

Suffering Part 2

In order for us to begin to understand what the reasons for suffering are, there are 2 things we must clear up.

HIS SACRIFICE WAS NECESSARY: Romans 3:23 Says: "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." We have to believe that Jesus needed to die in order for us to be saved, and there is no other way for us TO be saved.

There is nothing we can do to save ourselves. So, we believed in him. Big step. Our salvation, in respect of the Spiritual, is complete. We will never become more saved spiritually than we are now. But there is more to us than the spiritual.

We still live physically in this world. We have emotions, a will, and an intellect, all of which are rampantly opposed to God's will for us. So the step of Salvation where we believed on Jesus, was big, but not the biggest. But it is only one part of God's ultimate plan. He wants that we should go one (BIG) step further:

We must continue to choose him. Faith is only faith when it cleaves to the eternal, not the temporal. It is sceptical of the physical. It chooses to demonstrate a choice to hold onto good (as demonstrated to us in the will of God) even when there is no immediate reward. It calls us to pursue FURTHER salvation.

HIS SACRIFICE WAS ENOUGH The next big step, and this is almost more difficult than the first, is to believe this. The reason we have to finally put to rest our notions of salvation, is that we have to finally rely on him to be the author and finisher of our faith. When we are faced with the habits which ensued from our brokenness, we have to believe the above, enough to be able to choose Jesus above our old, and very outdated ways of relating. In other words we HAVE TO START APPLYING HIS SALVATION TO OUR LIVES IN EVERY PRACTICAL WAY POSSIBLE.

Some Questions to ponder:

1. Do you believe Romans 3:23 is true? Do you believe that it was necessary for Jesus to die on the cross?

2. Are you saved? This is not such a stupid question as it seems. Do you believe that Jesus died for you, and the God raise him from the dead? Read Romans 10:9-10 and decide for yourself how you will answer this question. If you are not saved by the definition of Romans 10:9, then go here first

3. Do you believe that Jesus' sacrifice was enough?

In other words, are you still intent on supplying your own answers when the going gets tough?

4. Do you demonstrate the salvation of Jesus in the choices you make when you are confronted with situations which bring up old feelings and reactions?

Reasons for suffering:

Rom 8: 16-17 says� "we are God's children��co-heirs with Christ...indeed we share in his suffering in order that we may also share in his Glory"

We are part of the same family. Members of the same family go through the same stuff. Jesus suffered, so we suffer with him. If he suffered to be proved worthy, we share in the same character and the way it is produced.

We are, even more so, part of his body�if the person suffers, so does the body. It cannot be escaped. A person goes hungry, even the ring finger loses weight. One for all and all for one!

His suffering led to his glory. If we are to share in his glory, we must share in his suffering.

We, being part of his body, already share in his glory, but for our own sakes, and for the sake of his increasing glory, it needs to be "revealed in us: (vs. 18)

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

We are being "mined" for glory. The suffering is revealing his glory in us (more about that later)

And being "Mine"-ed (made his) through the constant choice we make for him. In the face of suffering we make choices which confirm his ownership of us.

Questions to consider:

1. Did you know that Jesus is your big brother? Nice thought, hey?

2. What KIND of glory could possibly be revealed in you?

3. Think HOW his glory is revealed in you when you struggle.

3. Do you genuinely think his glory is WORTH IT?

4. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you some of the things he has done in

you through struggle/suffering!

SUFFERING TURN US TO GOD

That God might be glorified� (Rom 5:2) "through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

It shifts the focus away from us and where it belongs to God.

The proper focus for the one who is suffering, is not the one who is suffering, but the one who can do something about it.

In a strange, almost paradoxical way, the Lord hopes to direct us outwards through suffering. It is easy to be philanthropic and giving when we are in easy street, but it is character building, and self-sacrificing to be outward directed when we are in the midst of suffering.

Remember in the last teaching I said that character traits run in families. We are to build character that resembles Jesus' character. Suffering builds that. Jesus was perfected through suffering, and so are we. What it does require from us is that we do not wallow in our suffering, but that we turn towards the source of the hope that we have: God the Father, and accept that life is hard, but still glorify him.

Character is realistic�it is born of truth. And that includes the truth that God is great and that he must be acknowledged to be good and great no matter what the evidence. It is the biggest slap in the devil's face that we do not turn on God when we suffer. That is the whole story of Job all over again. So in the truth that we discover in the midst of suffering, namely that God is great no matter what we are going through, we begin to assume even more of the character of God. Of Jesus.

This kind of hope "does not disappoint us" (vs.5), because it is not based on evidence, but on the truth. (Heb 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.) we learn, by building into our spiritual heritage, how to operate out of the "new Creation". The words of God become more real to us than the evidence of our flesh. I am not talking here about a "name it, claim it" kind of theology. ALL OF YOU will know no matter how much you rebuke suffering, it does not go away. I am talking here about beginning to breathe a spiritual air, beginning to breathe the "atmosphere of our home planet," where Christ already resides. From that place springs the "peace that surpasses all understanding", and the "joy of the Lord which is our strength"!

4. QUESTIONS TO PONDER.

a) Do I use suffering as a means to turn me to God?

b) How can I practically turn outwards when I suffer. How can I demonstrate the character of Christ, and his SERVANT nature, when I am suffering?

c) Do I REALLY BELIEVE that God is great and good, not matter what?

WE SUFFER SO THAT GOD'S GOODNESS AND COMPASSION MAY BE REVEALED.

In him, as he comforts us. He is called "the father of compassion & and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles�" (2 Cor 1:3)

The world tries to make out that God is cruel, and hold up our suffering as an example. In actual fact it is exactly the opposite. It is inflicted upon us by the Enemy, and instead of achieving his purpose, namely to make us curse God, it gives God the opportunity to reveal his true nature to us. He shows us how loving and compassionate he is.

In Heb 7: 22 ? it says: " Because of this oath, Jesus has become the guarantee of a better covenant. 23 Now there have been many of those priests, since death prevented them from continuing in office; 24 but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. 25 Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. 26 Such a high priest meets our need--one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens."

We suffer, so that his nature may be revealed IN US 2 Cor 1:4-6 "�who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. It is a beautiful outworking of what we read in Rom 8:28� "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

So the circle of suffering and compassion increases and increases, until, Satan has destroyed himself. He has well and truly shot himself in the foot. The compassion of God, started for us in Jesus Christ, demonstrated through his death on the cross, is transferred and magnified every time it is demonstrated by one of his children who has suffered and received compassion and comfort, to another who is suffering and so on. Suffering creates the possibility of a most holy transaction.

Questions to Ponder

1) Is there a way that I can begin to see suffering in this more positive light? Does God, or has God, ever revealed his compassion to me through my suffering?

2) If not, ask him to.

3) If yes, make a note of these instances, and add them to your armoury.

4) Have I ever shown the compassion I was shown, to others?

It reinforces God's intention in us that we should put to death the "flesh". The choice to endure suffering denies the self which clamours for the easy way out. It denies the self that cleaves to old ways of doing things. It starves it out. Choice to endure suffering for God's sake strengthens the real self, the one we start building on�the "new creation", which is built up of eternal stuff and not temporary, perishable matter.

Resurrection can only happen after death. Christ had to die in order to be resurrected,

Christ had to die in order for the Holy Spirit to be released in him to produce resurrection. It is the same with us. "Unless a seed fall to the ground and die�"

And so suffering is a tool for our deliverance from the world. This is what we should seek, not deliverance from suffering.

QUESTIONS TO PONDER.

1) Am I ready to give up the "old self"?

2) Do I begin to see suffering in a positive light rather than as a punishment?

Suffering purges our perceptions, so we may see the truth of Christ, namely that our entire hope is in the person and work of Jesus Christ.

We no longer allow ourselves the luxury of self-pity. When we begin to identify with the crucified Christ, we are enabled to se ourselves for what we are: "little Christs" (That is what the Greek word "cristianos" means) whose sole purpose in life is to become more like him. So we identify with him on the cross, and assume the mantle of one who is has a greater purpose, above the demands of our own agendas, where we can begin to see our eternal goal�

We can offer hope to the world that there is purpose in their suffering, since we have the authentic view of our own suffering as the true purpose on earth, namely to emulate our master in his mission�.to reveal the Father to the world.

To reflect to the world that the Father is ALWAYS extending a hand of compassion and mercy to those who are struggling under the yoke of the devourer, who are caught up for a season on a planet where they are aliens, breathing a foul, tormenting alien air.

To prove to the heavenlies by our reaction to suffering, that the Father is ULTIMATE GOOD, and that we choose to serve him, even though it becomes progressively more difficult. Our behaviour is an affirmation that HE is God.

Phill 3: 8 "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."

Questions to ponder.

1) Have you learnt anything of value from this extended teaching?

2) What did you learn (Email me at dunx@exgayman.org

How does one become gay?

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 16:53:24 +0200

How does one become gay? Are you born like that, or do you become like that through upbringing? The old "nature/nurture" debate all over again.

This has not been resolved. But there seems to be one common factor. In men, at least, it seems that there is always some dilemma with the father-figure. Gay men would like to deny this, but there seems to be plenty of proof for this . It seems like there is no single group with such perfect father-son relationships as militant gay men.

For others of us, coming out of homosexuality, the picture is very different. In a post-war generation, it is not surprising that there is such an increase in homosexuality. Absent fathers, both emotionally and physically, are the norm.

As I say elsewhere there probably is a gene that predisposes one to homosexual attractions. Like everything else in nature/creation, call it what you will, I believe it is a mistake. I believe it is a result of the Fall of creation and wouldn't have been that way had we not entered into disobedience through our ancestor Adam. I also believe that this falls into the same category as our predisposition to sexual immorality: it was never intended to be that way. So there it is... I know it is not a popular position.

GUARD YOUR HEART 1

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 13:29:27 +0200

Part one

Proverbs 4:23-27

The question is often asked: how do I live, in a practical way, that will accelerate my victory in the struggle against my unwanted same-sex attraction?

The answer is not simple, and to make the question more relevant, it should perhaps be rephrased: how do I live, in a practical way, that will accelerate my victory in the struggle against the immaturity and idolatry which are an inherent part of my fallen nature as a man/woman, who is as yet unglorified?

You see, the answer to both is the same, but if you try and answer the first question, you will inevitably be skewed in your response; misled into placing the emphasis where it does not belong: on the unwanted same-sex attraction, which is a symptom of the idolatrous and immature ways of relating to which the world at large, and we in our own particular way, are prone!

I am going to try and answer the question, at least partially, from Proverbs 4:23-27. The portion of scripture, in the Amplified Bible, reads as follows:

"23 Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. 24 Put away from you all false and dishonest speech, and wilful and contrary talk put far from you. 25 Let your eyes look right on [with fixed purpose] and let your gaze be straight before you. 26 Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright. 27 Turn not aside to the right hand or the left; remove your foot from evil."

In the interest of brevity, this week I will only deal with verse 23, and thereafter with a verse a week for 4 weeks after that.

So, on to verse 23: "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."

Biblically speaking, the heart is the seat of emotion and belief. This is what the bible is referring to here. It is our convictions about ourselves and the world which drive us to act in certain ways, some of which are good, and most of which are bad. Our (homosexually oriented) hearts are filled with all sorts of rubbish to start off with. That is why we are attracted to the same sex in the first place.

We believe: 1) that we are unlovable. Our fathers and mothers, in almost all cases, were so broken, that they were simply not able to love us in a way which could produce a person who knows their own worth, as expressed by God the Father. This is not their fault, but something which is passed on from the previous generations in an endless tide of brokenness, each generation compounding the errors of the previous.

We believe: 2) That it is unsafe to trust anybody... a) ...to meet our needs, least of all God, who in many cases we subconsciously/consciously hold responsible for our pain, and our turning out the way we have. b) ...not to hurt us, and so we secretly/openly believe that God will do the same, since he is supposed to be in control of the world and so must take responsibility for who we are. c) ...with our love, since we have been rejected so many times before, starting with our parents (in some cases) and carrying on in a continuous line of rejection, until we hoard our feelings carefully, becoming closed off until we have lost the ability to love, except for meeting our most immediate needs (sex), without giving anything of ourselves in return.

We believe: 3) That we deserve what we have been dealt, because we are completely unworthy to start off with, so when we get dumped again, or hurt again, or our trust is abused again, we are not surprised, because it merely confirms what we know anyway. So God cannot love us because we have been proven time and time again to be unworthy of love, and deserving of punishment and abuse.

That is why the Bible says that we should keep and guard our hearts. It influences the way we see reality. What we believe, makes us relate to the world in a certain way, and the way we relate to the world determines to a large degree how it relates to us.

You will notice that all of the above examples contain in some way or another, an attitude to God. In some way or another what we have experienced has misshapen our perception of God in such a way that we are prepared to:

1) ...call him a liar, when he says he loves and values us, 2) ...choose our own way of doing things rather than to be vulnerable and do things his way.

These are idolatrous attitudes, because: a) we set ourselves up as authorities above God and what he says. We might not have actively chosen to believe these things but we have to take responsibility for continuing in our faulty beliefs. Out of them "flow the springs of life"! b) We set ourselves above God when we do things our way. We have the RIGHT to be this way: we have been hurt enough!

Everything that is not faith is sin (Rom 14:23 slightly out of context). Every belief that contradicts God is sin. Every belief that chooses our own opinion above his, is idolatry. It's very true, and very simple. You can dig up all the memories in the world, of being hurt and abused and victimised, and you may go through emotional healing till the cows come home, but if it does not produce repentance in your heart for the things you have chosen to believe about God, you will not move more than a baby step ahead.

MATURITY Maturity means taking responsibility for your choices. Perhaps you were to young/small to make informed choices about the way you saw God before, but now you are hoping to outgrow those ways of relating, and that means that you must face up to that fact that you can either continue to make your choices in the same way, or you can grow up and see things his way.

EXERCISE Check what you believe about reality. The only beliefs about reality that really matter, are what you believe about God. What do you believe about God? Do you beliefs concur with his Word? How do they differ? What can you do about it? Spend some time talking to God about your attitudes to him. He is not surprised, and according to Rom 8:1 "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Ask him to forgive you for your attitudes, and declare your willingness, at least in principle, to co-operate with him as he adjusts your attitudes.

And may the "Peace that passes all understanding and guards you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus," (Phillippians 4:7) be yours.